Personal | thoughts

Over wielen en geluk

5 oktober 2017

But we like having you as company! And yes, i also enjoy being with you. It’s just that sometimes, being the third wheel feels really lonely and unwanted. To be between friends.

Guys, i have a slight problem, again.

After being third wheel for a while i got to know both persons. We became friends. Shitty friends if you ask me, because what kind of friend are you if you can only meet when it’s the three of you.

I do get it, perfectly even, my boyfriend hanging out with my friends, without me? No, rather not.

Forced to be acquaintances. But what if they break up? Do i just say bye and never speak to them again? That’s also weird. But actually meeting and hanging out would possibly be even weirder.

Anyways, now a new dilemma arose.

Two people, yet again, the same story all over. If possible maybe a thousand times more difficult.

The main wheels form a highly unbelievably difficult existence. And now i, the third wheel, is doing all kinds of things, in the hope of not falling apart, to keep us rolling. Being friends of two people who can trust me, the subject of two, the admirer of two, yet left out by both.

All i want is for them to be happy. I thought so, in the mean time i want more. I want way more. Trying to give advise without any knowledge about the manner, me an emotional wreck with too many feelings. Sharing hurts, as i tell things to certain people with an intention, only for them to hear.

The last weeks i felt lonelier then ever. I finished an important chapter in my life, something i wanted to celebrate.

I hoped the person i wanted to celebrate it with would hug me and tell me how proud they are. I hoped it would be our secret and people would wonder what we were celebrating. But it wasn’t you who knew. The only one who knew was my partner in crime, my crazy lovely buddy. I can only hope we will know each other for a very long time.

But you, you are a different story. I knew it was complicated, but yesterday everything got more and more complicated. My head filled with confetti.

I like to keep my stories a bit cryptic, not only to prevent it being too personal and too difficult for me, but also to make you see the story and fill the gaps with your life. For you to know you are not alone, we all have struggles sometimes. A solidarity based on life obstacles.

I wrote it so cryptic, that even i don’t know about who i was talking about. Which is weird because i would expect myself to remember such an important thing. Truth is it could have been many people, in many different ways. I wrote this a while back obviously.

It became an incoherent whole, but i hope you can find something in this piece of text that speaks to you!

2

With love,

Lali

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| Personal | thoughts

you are enough

6 juli 2017

tulips

i can be so open
in my thoughts and on paper
sometimes i am a bit weird,
in the sense that i put too much effort in things
things that seem so pointless to others

i am grateful for silly small things like someones love for socks, someone being their weird self, the joy of others in something they really like even if it seems like no big deal to me. A feeling someone gives of. A certain calm or a certain energized happiness.

I want to show people their worth. Especially if they don’t seem to see it themselves. Between a whole lot of arrogant stupid people there are so many souls that light up so bright, they blind themselves. I want to be the person who helps them notice, just how wonderful they are. How they are worth effort, time and space.

I believe in self-love. And at times i don’t live by it myself. Just a kind word can change a whole day, and you do not need to hear those words from someone else. You are enough <3

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