Happiness

Klamme handjes

26 November 2017

There we were together. Walking trough the cold. One hand holding our board the other holding each other. Even though the weather was freezing, your hand was still warm. You let go of my hand. Klamme handjes, you said. I took your hand in mine again. I quite like it, I said, it feels warm and trusted. But only from you. And we both smiled.

Shortly after you were riding you board going far away into the distance. It was dark, but we didn’t mind. I followed on my board. The time it took for you to disappear, was the time it took for me to go 5 meters further. But you came back just as fast.

I was afraid. It got dark and I wasn’t used to my board anymore. I couldn’t see the road ahead anymore. But I tried to follow your lead and there we were. Laughing so hard. Me clumsy, failing to ride forwards. Afraid of what might await me on the dark road. And you trying tricks and just zooming to and fro.

There was no cold then, at that moment. It was just us and our boards in the darkness. Our love lighting our path. The way back went faster, mostly because this time I was on my board as well. We went up and down some speed bumps. Laughing because I thought they were scary, while you thought they were all fun.

 

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5 things i never thought i could

2 November 2017

go to a concert all by myself
travel alone
follow kickboxing classes
enjoy eating out
be so open on the internet

These are all things that once seemed impossible for me.

I used to get really anxious over the idea of going to a concert, let alone, to go there all by myself. And I did, I went to The head and the heart and it was a really great experience. I am sure lots of people have no trouble going alone to a concert, but for me it was a scary step. And I am really glad I did.

To travel alone. I never went somewhere abroad alone. But I have traveled alone. In many different ways, and I liked it. I love the independence, that you can waste your time without bothering anyone and I love passing things I don’t particularly care about. Having said this, I also really like good company. But it’s nice to know that you don’t need it in order to enjoy your travels.

As a weak skinny person I never thought I would get the courage to go to a kickboxing class. I think that at 20, even a 5 year old would kick my ass in such a class. But I liked the idea, and eventually I just went there without caring if I would ‘fail’. I would do it for myself. And not give a f*ck. And now it is not even a year later, and I am 100% sure it was on of my best decisions in life. Not exaggerating!

Enjoy eating out, never thought I could. Apparently I can!

Internet, I was never to fond on the idea that everyone, all over the world, could ‘find’ something about me. But here i am anyways.

Remember! We are capable of so many great things. Never ever let your fear prevent you from doing what you love.

You can do more then you think, you can do anything you set your mind to, never give up!

Lots of love,

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Schrijfsel

Me on bad days

1 November 2017

As everyone I have days that are just bad days. Sometimes I write on those days. I like writing a lot.

Reading what i wrote can be really painful, sometimes the feeling i had while writing comes flashing back. I want to share one short piece of text i wrote. It’s about the reason I don’t deserve to feel better.

 I am not sure I deserve anything at all. The thing that makes me ‘deserve’ anything is that for all I envy I suffer at least twice as much.

 

It are two simple lines. I know it is not true, yet even when I don’t feel bad I can’t seem to help but agree with the lines, at least a tiny bit. And it’s stupid, for everyone deserves to feel good. Especially if you have right intentions and you act right. Envy is not nice and often connected to self doubt. Feelings of unhappiness. But those are feelings that can arise when you have a bad day. And that’s okay. Envy the shit out of everything, but do it in a way that makes you set goals for yourself. Realistic goals that is. And change the envy in motivation, be happy for others and be grateful. The only person you should compare yourself to, ever, is YOU!

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| Schrijfsel | we are all a little fragile

we are all a little fragile

8 October 2017

i believe most, possibly everyone has a story, a beautiful story. And for many years i had the idea of somehow bringing those stories together. Whether i would interview people, or share their stories in a different way. I was sure about one thing; the obstacles of life, the hard times, every struggle we have gone through. They have helped shape us to who we are now.

So now i have the idea of using my blog as a sort of platform where these stories can be told, shared and loved. Because we all go through some shitty things, but we are never alone. We can share stories, nourish love and grow as persons.

I want stories written with a certain quality, not so much in the text but mostly in the underlying message it gives of. And i want my blog to be inspiring and positive. As i said we are never alone, and i really believe that by sharing, we can all benefit.

I always loved writing about the unspoken subjects, taboos and things that make us vulnerable. I haven’t always had the guts to share what i write. But as i grow as a person, i find it easier to talk about topics that are close to me. Things i wish i knew and words that we all need to hear sometimes.

But this goes way beyond me. So it got me thinking, why don’t i introduce some guest writers. Non-commercial, love-based sharing of stories.

I want to start it small by asking my friends and family, from there depending on how that goes, who knows to what it will lead. Maybe one day it will grow to a platform where everyone can share stories. Quality written stories told from the hearth.

I would love to hear what your thoughts are on this, and i am happy to say that the first guest post will be up within next week! And if you are open to share your story, either anonymously or not, please let me know as well and maybe we can work something out!

6 click the heart if you like the idea and want to let me know that :) or you can always leave a comment!

 

 

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Personal | thoughts

Over wielen en geluk

5 October 2017

But we like having you as company! And yes, i also enjoy being with you. It’s just that sometimes, being the third wheel feels really lonely and unwanted. To be between friends.

Guys, i have a slight problem, again.

After being third wheel for a while i got to know both persons. We became friends. Shitty friends if you ask me, because what kind of friend are you if you can only meet when it’s the three of you.

I do get it, perfectly even, my boyfriend hanging out with my friends, without me? No, rather not.

Forced to be acquaintances. But what if they break up? Do i just say bye and never speak to them again? That’s also weird. But actually meeting and hanging out would possibly be even weirder.

Anyways, now a new dilemma arose.

Two people, yet again, the same story all over. If possible maybe a thousand times more difficult.

The main wheels form a highly unbelievably difficult existence. And now i, the third wheel, is doing all kinds of things, in the hope of not falling apart, to keep us rolling. Being friends of two people who can trust me, the subject of two, the admirer of two, yet left out by both.

All i want is for them to be happy. I thought so, in the mean time i want more. I want way more. Trying to give advise without any knowledge about the manner, me an emotional wreck with too many feelings. Sharing hurts, as i tell things to certain people with an intention, only for them to hear.

The last weeks i felt lonelier then ever. I finished an important chapter in my life, something i wanted to celebrate.

I hoped the person i wanted to celebrate it with would hug me and tell me how proud they are. I hoped it would be our secret and people would wonder what we were celebrating. But it wasn’t you who knew. The only one who knew was my partner in crime, my crazy lovely buddy. I can only hope we will know each other for a very long time.

But you, you are a different story. I knew it was complicated, but yesterday everything got more and more complicated. My head filled with confetti.

I like to keep my stories a bit cryptic, not only to prevent it being too personal and too difficult for me, but also to make you see the story and fill the gaps with your life. For you to know you are not alone, we all have struggles sometimes. A solidarity based on life obstacles.

I wrote it so cryptic, that even i don’t know about who i was talking about. Which is weird because i would expect myself to remember such an important thing. Truth is it could have been many people, in many different ways. I wrote this a while back obviously.

It became an incoherent whole, but i hope you can find something in this piece of text that speaks to you!

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With love,

Lali

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